So many questions...no answers...

This is proving ALOT harder than it really should be!
Gosh! Why do i keep torturing myself!
Heart oh heart....please be strong...please im begging you!
Get her out of my freakin head already! PLEASE!
She has alienated me for god knows how long already and i truly think i dont deserve it!
Whats the point caring too much for others when they dont care bout us mutually?!
I seriously dont know whats gotten into her....i dont remember saying anything wrong...i dont remember doing anything wrong to hurt her! SIGH!
So many questions and ifs and buts....but no answers!

Gonna miss her so bad....

She haven't even left and i miss her already! :(
If i were to still be there i would be happily touring with her right now...
But then again..i HAD to make that decision...
So now im just sulking it up, jealously looking at others tour with her and getting close to her....SIGH...

The heart...

still aches..... :(
i miss xxxxxxx so much....
as much as i want to let go and get on with life...i cant lie to myself!
I still miss xxxxxxx! period!
and all i can do is sit and sulk as i watch xxxxxxx from afar...
wishing and hoping xxxxxxx will warm up to me again...like the old days prior to the truth...
Sigh...*Dear Heart..why are u so weak*

The beginning of the end

So there...i've finally decided to end the crazy obsession...
I would have done anything to save the friendship....even if it meant hurting my own ego...
The friendship is too precious to be messed around with...
It would hurt even more if it went on and on and on...


And now that i've end it...i feel LOADS better...i can breathe normally...i can be sane again...and most importantly...i can be myself again!


Still.... xxxxxxx will always be in my heart, cherished forever.
Will never forget the wonderful moments together...

My heart will always be with you....

A weight have finally been lifted off my small shoulders...
What a relief...
Whatever happens from now on, I dont know...
I must say im worried and scared...
I hope I wont live to regret making the move...

Its insane how i kept thinking bout you...got utterly fixated on you...and kinda obsessed bout you!
But I cant help it...
Im a Leo...and when Leos fall for something...they fall hard.
Thats a fact that cant be changed...sigh

Every minute you're not on my sight, I feel tortured beyond words...
But I didnt have a choice!
I had to sacrifice! And sacrifices are always painful :(
Now i can only sulk it all in...
Wonder how much more of this i can take...sigh

If only the feeling is mutual then I'd be sleeping with a smile on my face!
xxxxxxx, although u r far from my sight...u will always be near in my heart...always.

Misery Business

Here it comes again...
Dark clouds of uncertainty...
The verdict has been passed out and its looking shitty...Sigh...
Ive simply "lost" her...
She's gonna be-friend me now...she aint gonna talk to me...she's gonna do the silent treatment on me...
She's in other words...the cause of my misery!
Its not her fault really, it isn't...its mine!
I wish i never had to put myself in this situation at all...
But i did...
And its too late to turn back time...
I've simply...truly...lost her
:'(

Dilemma strikes again....

Hate so much to be in dilemma....
My heart wants to stay but my brain is taunting me to go!
So many pros and cons either side...how to decide?

And then there's this unexpected feeling...
So weird its making me obsessed!
Its the one thing thats making things so difficult for me to decide!
As much as i want to...i need and i have to get away from her....before something really unexpected happens! Oh gosh...something is wrong with me...What the heck am i thinking?!
I cant be that! No..No...it cant be..it really cant!
Its too scary a reality to take in...

I dont wanna live to regret another wrong decision...

"Ya Allah...berilah aku kekuatan untuk menempuhi semua cabaran yang kau berikan padaku, Ya Allah...sesungguhnya kau maha pengampun dan maha penyayang...."

Sweet 7

Sweet 7 things that's going through my mind:
(not in order of preference)

1. Ziana Zain - her twins...her musicals...her health....EVERYTHING!
2. Liverpool won - well ok...not the time to be over the moon yet!
3. Randy Orton - RKO wrote on my FB wall!
4. Job hunting - I just NEED to settle down pronto!
5. iPhone - when will i finally buy it?!
6. Channing Tatum - HOT stuff!
7. "SWEET 7" - Sugababes are back! Though i miss the old line-ups and songs...this album shows why i love the babes in the first place!

Sunshine and the Rain

The Rain: :(

Why is it I still cant settle down!
Why must there always be someone to F*** it all up!
I really feel like leaving now!

Liverpool....why oh why! *Sigh*

The Sunshine: :)

ZZ's twins!
So freaking cute and adorable!
Her hand's heeling...though with scars...
Her stars are shining ever so brightly right now...
2010 is gonna be her year! *Amin*

Dad's got a house now...sharing the pad with bro...that makes my family properly settled down now since the "tragedy" of divorce.
Now...only left with mom to worry about...*Sigh*

Wedding preparation...though date's been delayed, is going well...

*Dear God...please...give me strength to go through all the test you put upon me*

Frustrated!

Got a feeling he's taking advantage of me!
What the Hell is he giving me his damn work for!
One after another and another and another!
Asshole!
And what do i get for being Ms.Nice? NOTHING!
I get NOTHING! I go NOWHERE! Im still a damn slave!

Confused......again!

Should i stay? or should i go?
Why does this question always haunt me....
2 months on and still unsettled....
So much is being promised but will they deliver?
Will i be made a slave all my life there?
Will things get better for me?
Will my hard work pay off someday?
Did i leave AOD for this?
So many questions but no answers!
I thought things will be better when i leave, that I'd be better off elsewhere that allows me to nurture my ability...Hell No!
Im in fact going down an endless tunnel of darkness!
Shame on me! Im such a failure for myself!
Still cant take the fact that Im no longer in charge....im a nobody there!
Nothing to be proud of!

Will I EVER see light at the end of the tunnel?

Blogging again....

So here I am...
Failed to resist from blogging again...
Hope i'll be able to squeeze in more blogging time now...
I used to spent HOURS just perfecting my blog back then LOL